Drawing Outside of the Box

Our children never came with an instruction manual, but they may tell us more about themselves when we tune in to their bodies at work. If your child didn’t generate much enthusiasm for gymnastics or soccer, there may be more that meets your child’s sense of wonder and energy needs. We play important roles in celebrating their individuality and openness to experiences. 

What Draws Them In

For developing children, identity building is ongoing. Children learn through play - about themselves, the world, and their ability to interact and communicate with those around them. When children have opportunities to engage in organized activities, they build life skills, self-esteem, and social skills. Play-based activities also provide opportunities to build community and belonging. In addition, organized activities with consistent schedules can be useful in promoting self-regulation, safety, and predictability. 

And sometimes the most predictable part of these activities is the backlash and resistance parents encounter when getting ready for them to begin. 

While we don’t often know or understand what’s a fit before attempting it, we encourage you to intentionally observe your child when they are regulated, energized, and in flow. What are the activities that offer this effect and that can support future regulation and coping? Parents can also keep a lookout for the activities that appear to make them shine: where your child may marvel at their own growth, process, or their own potential. 

These cues may be opportunities to open up to possibilities and invite curiosity about what will nurture their individual gifts. Sharing these observations with your children - again with curiosity and interest - can help them tune into what feels good for them, as well. When children are immersing themselves in new activities, they may be in such a rush with all of the things to “do,” that it can be harder to connect with how things feel for them in the moment. Inviting in reflection of these moments can encourage your child to slow down and notice these moments, as well.

Growth-Oriented Language

Trying new activities out doesn’t require expertise from our children or from caregivers. In fact, the process of learning is pretty universal. It involves staying open to the experience and applying actionable skills over and over. That’s something we all can continually practice, no matter our age.

Parents can support this work for their children through use of growth-oriented language. Normalizing failure and effort is paramount to raising resilient and confident children. By opening up to possibilities, and turning away from preset expectations or an overemphasis on achievement or outcome, children can attribute their successes (like their willingness to try again) to their effort. 

This language supports children in remaining curious about their own experiences and what feels good to their bodies and minds - even when it’s challenging. Comparison and judgment may show up, as they are part of the human experience, and still, we can redirect our children to focus in on their own experiences. Helping our children to recenter their attention on the whole of their experience, rather than just how “good” they are at something or if a new skill came easily for them, can help them explore activities they might otherwise shy away from.

Wide-range of Extracurriculars

Many schools, libraries, and community parks may offer a wide-range of offerings to consider. And for many it may take more effort and flexibility to search out programs that cater to your child’s interest. Here are some extracurriculars to consider:

• Parkour

• Archery

• Dungeons & Dragons

• Nature Art

• Chess Club

• Finance Club

• Ceramics

• Music Mixing

• Photography

• Coding

• Storytelling (i.e., film, comics, poetry, etc.)

• Culinary Art 

• Engineering & Robotics

• Martial Arts

• Musical Instruments & Band

Thankfully, so many worlds have opened up to us by way of video lessons and virtual apps. Children can see their interests represented by their peers and they can grow their knowledge through both research and immersement. While some interests may shed light on your child’s individual values, others may remain opportunities to center, create, and connect with others. Fortunately, each time your child discovers that an activity isn’t a fit for them, they are gathering information that can aid them in finding something that is. In each activity, we can consider the parts of it we liked and the parts of it we didn’t like so that we can decide what to try next.

Regardless of what children gravitate to, caregivers can find ways to support them through curiosity, presence, and affirmation of their effort. It’s important that children feel understood for the significance their interests play in their lives, while recognizing that they are more than their parts.