Humor is Serious Parenting

For any parent who has ever been covered in their child’s bodily fluids or been humbled by a toddler’s sass, the humor doesn’t reveal itself instantly, but it can’t be denied. Nothing pairs better with parenting than a healthy sense of humor. 

Isn’t it Funny

Humor has long been recognized as an important resource for well-being. While various styles of humor exist, generally (when free of aggression and self-defeat) humor can offer many benefits. Laughing can decrease stress levels by way of reducing epinephrine and cortisol. When shared in connection, humor can release dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins. These neurochemicals, often coined “feel good hormones”, promote positive emotions and well-being. 

Beyond feeling good, humor can help with coping with stress and psychological distress. Humor also increases our life satisfaction, our relationships, and optimism. While we aren’t always in a position to change our circumstances or stressors, we can do wondrous things with how we approach them. 

At a Distance

Humor is often used as a therapeutic tool in another way - it can help with how we engage with our thoughts. This process is called cognitive defusion and is simply the way that we may hold content at a distance. This perspective-taking, when done with distressing thoughts or feelings, can help with lessening the power they have over us. In turn, we can engage more flexibly with these experiences. 

To be clear, this practice of defusion is not invalidation and should not be used to trivialize your experiences. It is understandably frustrating when the meal your child happily devoured yesterday is now being adamantly refused today. What we don’t want is the added suffering of piling on hardship. Rather than judging yourself or your child, make it comedy kindling.

Far be it for us to tell you what’s funny, but we can offer some ways to work in the humor while aligning with your child. 

• Try personifying the thoughts in the accent of your favorite comedian. Heck, personify the food and apologize to it for cooking it wrong today. 

  
  

• Try stepping up the perspective-taking to that of an outside observer. Imagine that the camera just panned to you, and deliver your best Jim Halpert expression. 

  
  

• Lean into the silly. Give your child rating cards and thank them for their feedback. 

  
  

• Tap into the “it’ll be funny later” bit. Document this moment on camera (to acknowledge their feedback) and to appreciate the audacity later. 

  
  

• Connect with the human experience. Share with your parent friends who get it, and talk about how you were unceremoniously axed from today’s cooking challenge. 

  
  

Rolling with Laughter AND Resistance

Another time to show off your funny and playful sides: when you feel pushback from your child. At face value, your child may present as prickly and defiant. And maybe you have been blessed with a strong-willed leader. What is also likely true is that your child values connecting with you in play beyond most else. Tapping into this understanding during those times of tension can bring levity and laughs.

Tough time with clean up or after-school routines? Time to gamify! Amp up the silly factor through choice-giving and join your child by supporting their efforts: “Do you want us to clean up fast like cheetahs or slooowww like snails?” Lean into the humor you know your child is drawn to: maybe you'll be making silly faces at each other between each item you put away or maybe you'll join each other in a silly dance as you head to the bathroom to wash hands before snacktime. Life doesn't have to be so serious, and we can help make our “must do's” more enjoyable. 

Things didn't go the way you planned and your child is feeling stuck? Channel your inner improv training: “Yes and…” can lead the way! Roll with new options, brainstorm together, and toss in a few suggestions that are sure to get giggles. Encourage your child to generate their own humorous suggestions and then work together to make your plan. Connecting in humor can help remind us that some things really might not be so big, and your impromptu improvs have the added bonus of boosting your child's cognitive flexibility skills. 

Adding in humor can take many other forms, as well. Adopt a new accent, a silly wobble walk, or turn into the tickle monster as you chase your child from one activity to the next. Allow yourself to reminisce on the playfulness from your own childhood and see how you might wish to incorporate - from new dance moves to embracing your child's potty humor, and all that's in between. 

Soak in the laughs and embrace your child's innermost language of play. You may be amazed how differently a situation can go once you meet your child at their level and bring on the silly.

Parent at Play

Let’s not forget to mention the importance of not taking oneself too seriously. It’s easy as parents to get caught up in doing our best by our children and miss that this childhood journey is for us, too. These are our next opportunities to get lost in the novelty and silliness of youth. 

It is inevitable that we’re going to mess up in big and small ways, just as your children will. Humor is another way to model the ability to be playful and light with oneself around mistakes and failures. The ability to laugh at ourselves with appreciation is powerful. It helps to communicate the ease that we can move into courageous challenges and practice full acceptance of ourselves. Consider that when a child can fully accept and appreciate themselves, there is nothing that can be attacked. 

Humor is a buffer against the rough edges of parenting, and life in general. Unleash those dad jokes!