Playing the Long Game

Mar 124 min read

When it comes to parenting, we’re in it for the long haul. While we’re doing our best to take on the moment before us, we’re also devoted to setting up our children for the future. And there’s a powerful way to do it: play.

The Power of Play

When you see a child engaging in play, you are seeing a child who is hard at work. As Mr. (Fred) Rogers very astutely pointed out, “...for children, play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.” Play is an instrumental activity in childhood: it’s how children learn and develop their skills, gain a sense of mastery, and make sense of their world and their experiences.

Through play, children are able to try out different solutions and endings to the many experiences they or their characters may be facing. Unstructured play also provides opportunities for fostering curiosity and creativity, understanding and exploration of emotions, and connection with self and others. While in other contexts children may have other expectations set upon them, protecting their play allows parents to meet them where they are.

The benefits of play on child development are well supported in research, too. From fostering your child’s cognitive development, curiosity, acquisition and understanding of language, and motor skills, to helping boost their social emotional skills, creativity, and self-expression, play helps children to grow many different skills at once. In addition, play supports self-regulation skills and the formation of safe and stable relationships with caregivers. It is for these reasons that numerous child development experts emphasize the importance of play and of a play-based (or “playful learning”) curriculum for early education - a child’s learning is strongly supported through play. While there are clear benefits of guided and independent play, we also wish to highlight the beauty of joining your child and following their lead during playtime.

Joining Your Child’s World

Play can be an incredibly connecting experience between a caregiver and a child. We also understand that for many adults, engaging in pretend or unstructured play can feel… well, really difficult. We’ve often heard from adults that they feel at a loss of how to play with their child, what it is they “should” be doing during that time, or they feel bored by the repetition of it all. We are here to share with you that your reactions are okay, normal, and common - you are a human, first and foremost, and you are allowed to have your own emotions.

Something we often hear as well is that for many adults, there may be a pull to teach or guide during their child’s play. While there are of course many benefits to the guidance a caregiver can provide to their child, we invite you to let go of that pressure during these moments. We know, we know - letting go of that pressure as a parent to “do enough” or “be enough” is really challenging. Sometimes it can feel as though we are hardwired to believe we need to “do more” and “be more” for our children, endlessly. And yet, we are here to remind you that in all times - and especially during times of play - being with your child really is enough.

When we think of our child’s request to play as their extending us an invitation to join their inner world, we may be better able to tap into the wonder and curiosity that is driving them. Envision yourself as their passenger, following their cue to see where their mind and heart take the two of you. To join in these adventures, take a moment to ground back in your body and with your intention of creating space. Notice with curiosity how your child is currently understanding their world, how they are approaching and tackling new and difficult endeavors, and how their creativity and imagination are choosing to express themselves. Through it all, when you are with them in these experiences, you are also helping them to feel seen, cherished, and loved for the entirety of who they are. The richness of this gift cannot be overstated.

A Shift in Perspective

There are so many times throughout your child’s day that they are expected to follow the instructions and expectations of others. This is why it is especially important that we can protect playtime as a time in which they can stretch their muscles of autonomy, self-efficacy, and decision-making. We can let go of the preplanned notions we may have, the lessons we hope they will learn, or the skills we wish they will grow during playtime - and trust that they will take the play where they need it to go.

Following their lead can also help us to fill up on these moments with our children. It is an opportunity to soak up what we’re working so hard for. When we can refocus our attention on being present with our child and tuning into their experiences, we can be witness to what unfolds together.

Do you remember that feeling when your baby would finally get to sleep and you’d pull out your phone to consume more evidence of their cuteness? When you’d be met with those primal urges to wake them from their hard-earned slumber to just love them up some more? Yep. That’s the stuff. That’s the deep appreciation that we can offer our children in play.

Because we believe so fully in the power of play, we crafted a social media series all about it. Within this series, we’ve highlighted our favorite skills from our training and experience in Child-Centered Play Therapy and Child-Parent Relationship Therapy. These skills center around helping you to immerse yourself in your child’s world and helping your child to feel seen, known, and encouraged throughout their play.

Click on any of the images below to view the full posts. Posts include digestible tidbits of the “why’s” behind these skills and concrete examples of how you can try them out.