Traveling with Tots: Tips for Survival

Long days. Bumpy rides. Movement and noise and waiting, waiting, waiting. On its own, traveling can be hard. Throw an infant or a toddler into the mix, and the complexity is amplified. Given the sense of overwhelm and dread so many parents experience prior to traveling, we’re here to provide some additional support that extends beyond how to pack.

The Luggage: Unpacked

Whether we’re traveling for reasons of joy or necessity, we bring expectations with us. These may appear in seemingly benign ways: “I want this to be a special experience for the kids” or “I should have this down by now.” However, they may hold more power over us than we realize.

Whether these thoughts are about our own behaviors, our children’s, or the trip altogether - they are present and persistent. When we fail to recognize what expectations we may be clinging to, then we miss the ways they can contribute to increased pressure and judgment towards our or our children’s experiences.

Suddenly the events that are simply outside of our control (and so many are!) become personal failures and our unknowing becomes fuel for self-criticism. While we can compassionately understand that holding expectations is part of the human experience, it can also be something we choose to “unhook” from, or in this case - unpack. 

With this in mind, we’ve highlighted the following principles you may actually want to include on your travels to support you as you navigate your upcoming trips.

Allowance for the Moment

First, our children are allowed to take up space. Offer yourself the reminder that your child is allowed to have the experience they are having, and it’s okay for you to come alongside them. Not to rush it, not to shoo it away, but to be with them as it comes. We can give space to whatever experiences our children may have – and to whatever emotions show up for them, big or small.

This anchoring principle incorporates the following:

• Embodies emotional acceptance (i.e., an openness to emotions and to the emotional experiences of our children). 

• Welcomes our child’s authenticity (i.e., who they are and all of their experiences that come along with being themselves).

• Challenges messaging that prioritizes a “right” way to exist. This includes messages that we shouldn’t be “too much,” “too sensitive,” “too loud,” “too opinionated,” or that we exist for the approval of others. We want to highlight that these messages are not gender specific – and they can also span across ages, cultures, and family systems.

  
  

Shifting the Spotlight

Second, we can choose where to turn toward: we can choose to tune in where we are most needed and where we want to focus. If you tend to worry about what other adults may think or feel mid-meltdown, don’t look around. Even the most neutral expression at that time can be easily interpreted by our minds to be judging or unforgiving. It’s okay to choose to focus solely on your child.

When we allow ourselves to have a spotlight on our child and what they are experiencing, we can let go of some of the pressure we hold as parents about what others are thinking about our children or about us (or our abilities) as a parent. We can rest assured that other adults are able to care for themselves in these moments. Instead, we can align with the child in front of us that requires our help in order to navigate this storm. You can join alongside your child and hold out your umbrella.

This is Temporary

Third, this moment is temporary, and the memory of it for other passengers will be, too. Although we may feel pulled to quickly squash a mid-air meltdown as soon as we possibly can, sometimes our best efforts to soothe or co-regulate don’t work. Sometimes our children are too far in and their nervous system needs to go through the rest of the steps before it can come back to baseline. That is to say, yes – some meltdowns are not quick. Some can definitely last.. a while. And yet, just as they come, they eventually go. That is a constant we can hold onto. And the more allowance we give ourselves and our children for their emotions to take the time they’re requiring, the more able we are to sit with them in it.

In these moments, we can remind ourselves that those witnessing this meltdown – all of the passengers, the flight attendants, and especially anyone nearby – are likely to soon forget about this moment. Sure, they may be bothered as it’s happening. That’s understandable, and that’s okay. As stated already, it’s absolutely okay for your child to be experiencing their emotions, too. It’s doubtful that this event will occupy the same amount of space in others’ minds as we expect it will.

Instead, we can turn our attention back to our child and to what they are needing from us in these hard moments. We can remind ourselves that we are continually planting seeds for our children. Seeds that take root and that sprout into their understanding of the world, their expectations of others, and their beliefs about themselves and their experiences. This visualization offers the reminder that this is a gradual and long-term process, and that we can be intentional about planting and watering the seeds that we wish to see grow.

This isn’t to say that one event is make or break – far from it. There is plenty of room to make mistakes and try again and grow as a parent.  After all, being a “good enough parent” is good enough . And still, when we allow ourselves to remember that the impacts of our actions matter most to our kids, it can be easier to step away from our concerns about quickly shuffling away their feelings to make others more comfortable.

So: take a breath and pause. Use the tools that help you to stay present in the moment. Remind yourself of precisely how you want to show up for your child in these moments and the images and messages you want them to take away from these times.

Lean in with Gentleness

Travel day meltdowns are hard – really, really hard. The emotions your child experiences have no weight on who you are as a parent. The length of their meltdown does not equate to how much you love or care for your child. They also don’t define how wonderful and loving your child is, either. We can take off these pressures and allow our children and ourselves to take space, feel our feelings, tune into what matters, and let go of the rest.

Whether you’re embarking on a travel day that will be smooth sailing or hold frequent bumps ahead, know that your reassuring approach can matter more than the turbulence.