Getting to Therapy

Good therapy is hard work, not to mention that it can already be a feat to get started. Folks who know, know. It can take a lot of courage and vulnerability to ask for help and to commit to investing in yourself and what you care about. 

Why Therapy?

There are so many valid reasons and barriers for why many people may express resistance to exploring therapy. Addressing these is important to the field and to training effective mental health providers. This blog, however, focuses on the scope of what therapy can be so that you can determine whether it is a fit for you, your child, your relationship, or your family.  

At its root, therapy is a safe and confidential space to seek support from a trained, licensed, ethical, and boundaried professional. Therapy can be used to address needs but can also be utilized as preventative care. There is no “right time” to begin therapy, just as there is no one “right way” to do therapy - it’s all individual. Therapy can be short-term and skills focused, or span years, depending on needs or individual preference. While therapy can often be explored following stressful life events (e.g., death, divorce, job losses, trauma) and following the presence of disruptive symptoms (e.g., depression, anxiety, disordered eating, etc.), it can also be prompted prior to or following eventful life transitions (e.g., new jobs, new baby, moves, marriage).

In addition to these life events, many individuals may choose to begin therapy at a time when things feel calm or when they wish to look inward and work on the goals that matter to them. These goals can include, but of course are not limited to:

• Increasing understanding of self (e.g., patterns, needs)

• Strengthening one's relationship with self or other

• Increasing coping strategies and skills (e.g., communication skills, regulation, parenting skills, etc.)

• Processing life stressors and events to increase understanding and management

• Meeting one’s life goals/values

• Understanding, processing, or healing from past adverse events

• Maintaining healthy coping behaviors

  
  

If you are considering therapy for yourself or a loved one, perhaps some of your experiences or your goals may map onto this list. And perhaps they might not. That really is the beauty of therapy - you get to decide when to begin, what to focus on, and who to work with. Fortunately, the wide range of therapist training and specialties can aid you in finding a great match.

Getting Started

Before searching for providers, it may be helpful to determine the following:

• Goals for therapy (these can continue to be honed in therapy)

• What you want interpersonally from a therapist

• Financial needs (i.e., insurance, sliding scale, private pay, etc.)

• Scheduling availability

• Therapy modality (i.e., individual, group, couples, family, play, and parent skills training)

• Your preference between meeting in-person or virtually

  
  

It is similarly important to reflect on your reservations for therapy. This may inform what provider you are seeking or how you may best be supported in therapy. We encourage you to think about how you might like to share this information when consulting with a new provider so that you can get a feel for whether you may be a good fit.

Finding a Fit

To select a therapy provider, it is important to decide what type of therapy you might be interested in. Some therapeutic orientations may be time-limited, structured, or skills-focused. Others may be process-focused, relational, or experiential. And still some may offer a mix, depending on the need. Inquire by asking the provider to share more about how they practice, how they approach your presenting concern, and how they structure sessions. 

Interviewing is key to establishing trust and collaboration. You may ask about their training level, comfort with specific topics, schedule availability, fees, etc. You are additionally encouraged to ask for clarification for anything explained to you. It is important that you feel empowered and respected throughout this process. This is the time to begin to get a feel for how you two connect, as well. Do you feel heard during this call? Does it seem like their approach is a fit for what you’re envisioning or for what you think you might need? Feel free to take your time to interview multiple therapists, as well. There is no set timeline or rush to select a provider to work with. You get to set your pace and you get to decide when to move forward.

You may have noticed that we’ve mentioned the goodness of fit between the therapist and client a few times now, and for good reason. This “fit” plays an important role in the effectiveness of therapy. In fact, research consistently shows that the working alliance between therapist and client impacts treatment outcomes. Characteristics that are often highlighted within these relationships include feeling understood and supported, feeling able to trust and open up to the therapist, perceiving an active and collaborative relationship with the therapist, and feeling aligned in terms of goals and how to reach those goals, to name just a few. As with any relationship or fit in your life, you get to determine what characteristics feel most important to you when you are evaluating your fit with a provider.

Therapy Tips

While what makes therapy feel like the right fit can be unique to you, we’ve highlighted a few tidbits that can help you co-create a therapeutic space that works well for you and for your needs: 

• Collaboration and communication is welcomed. Offering ongoing feedback and expressing needs is essential for getting the most out of the time. This may include changes to level of challenge in sessions, requests for resources, or changes to the pace of therapy.

  
  

• Integration makes progress. By practicing skills consistently, you receive real-time feedback about what works and transfer in-session experiences to daily life.

  
  

• It can take time for trust/emotional safety to develop, and that’s okay. It is important to feel respected and anticipate that that trust/safety can be built with this person. It is also okay to switch if that’s not your experience.

  
  

•  Therapy is effortful work. While it is normal for it to be challenging, the approach of therapy and pacing can be adjusted to meet your needs. It may also be helpful to review support needs in/before/after sessions.

  
  

• Progress is yours. You don’t owe your therapist progress or performances. It is your time to be honest and get the support you truly need. 

  
  

If you’ve decided that this might be a good time for you and your loved one to begin therapy, there are multiple avenues you can turn to to find your match. Larger online directories (e.g., Psychology Today, Mental Health Match, Therapy Tribe, Inclusive Therapists, etc.) hold a host of options for finding a therapist, as do directories you can request from your insurance representatives. There are smaller, more niche directories as well, including those specific to perinatal and postpartum experiences (Postpartum Support International).

While therapy is not the only path to receiving support, we hope we have demystified the process should this be an option you choose to explore. Parenting is challenging, particularly when we are in need of extra support or guidance - and you and your children are always worth it.